I have come to think of relationships as being "under the influence" of someone. When we are in a relationship with someone, we often see things differently, sometimes from their perspective, and are able to learn and grow in our environment. Sometimes we outgrow our environment and relationships end. The influence that person had on our lives, though, never really goes away. We see things differently than we did before. We have added perspectives and experiences to our own. We have learned to discuss and debate with another type of person, making the whole world more accessible to us. We are never the same, and we can never go back.
To the man who thinks he has taught me nothing: I know you disagree with my opinions and apparently, the way I've been living my life, but that doesn't mean I didn't learn anything from you. My knowledge of Ancient Greece and Rome alone proves you taught me something. The Metallica blasting from my classroom during class changes (when I have a class) can also be attributed to you. My pride in my country and its defenders was always present, but you made it personal. It was you who made me take stock of my life, decide it was going in the wrong direction, and do something about it. The world has become a much different place in the past five years, and I have become a different person as a result. I have not always made the right choices or decisions, but I am at peace with who I am. I keep your lessons with me and use them when they're appropriate. Your leadership style alone has saved my butt with my students on a number of occasions. If you think I still have a lot to learn, you're welcome to stick around and teach me.
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9 comments:
At one time I thought that myself. But instead, I now believe that relationships take on a life of their own. Each relationship is unique because the mix is unique. You may adapt to some extent, but you can't change the core essense of you, no matter how much you might like to.
And, of course, as I pointed out in your "And Then Comes the Ex-Boyfriend" post, we also grow and change. Sometimes people come into our lives and influence us, but we eventually center ourselves.
In the past I've tried to adapt to more than I could bear and I could never keep at it. For instance, I was never Betty Crocker and (god help me) I never will be. Trying to be the Good Little Woman never worked for me. I have since found that there are men out there that treasure intelligent, funny, outspoken women who dream of more than cleaning house.
He is a god man, but we were not meant for each other. I think our hearts were always in different places. He is in love with the Army. Always was, always will be. I always felt like a distraction, and I guess we all do stupid things when we don't feel loved enough. I used to find it exhausting to try and keep up with what everyone around me wanted to be. I'm different, but they're all still the same, and most of them are unhappy with who I've become.
Yes, but they are growing at a different rate than you are, or are possibly not growing at all. There are those people that are stunted, and never grow spiritually or mentally. That's not intended to be an insult to your exes by any means. For instance, perhaps you have swung too far to the extreme and will eventually settle down closer to what they are. Or, perhaps you have found your 'niche.' I can't say, because I don't know.
I was born a hippie but fought the instinct for a long time.
Well, you are returning to who you are, then. I was born an opinionated, strong willed tomboy and I also returned to who I really am. I always wanted to be the lacy, demure type that fainted at the drop of a hat. It seemed so elegant. Then I realized that they were just vapid, dull sissy girls.
...but I still like to dress the part. ;o)
Are you trying to make this grown man cry, turkey? It's damn near working. You are doing a fine job of unleashing my inner bitch on the world, or at least my cats, who are all seven tired of me hugging them right now.
Jeff, I love you, Dude! He didn't cry, I think. I love him. I wish him happiness. I want him to know what my current situation is not the antithesis of him, which would upset him. He is a strong, intelligent, and dedicated man. The end of our relationship was my fault, and he definitely didn't let me off the hook. Now he just needs to decide if he wants to get to know me again.
Amid the crainess, a poem from years ago. Thanks Wombat!
DESIDERATA
Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others; even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in oyur own career however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy
MAX EHRMANN 1927
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